Misogynoir

Misogynoir is a term combining the words Misogyny (hatred towards women) and Noir (the French word for black). You may have guessed now that Misogynoir means the hatred of black women. Being a black woman especially in western society means that there are two factors against us, firstly being a woman and secondly being black. Many black women, especially in Western society have to deal with both racism AND sexism in their lives. In regards to the power structures in these societies, black women are at the bottom and white men are at the top.

Black women have been huge players in movements to fight for their rights but these movements tend to ignore their plights. Feminism tends to focus on the issues white women face while ignoring the racial element involved in regards to black women. The American civil rights movement had many black women who played pivotal roles but their efforts were mainly overshadowed by black men. When black women speak out against the injustices that they face they are usually given negative labels. It is as if black women are not meant to be heard. In society there are many negative stereotypes surrounding black women. We are described as being angry, aggressive, having bad attitudes and being unattractive. The media perpetuates these negative stereotypes (just look at black women in reality TV shows). Even in films and TV shows black women are usually portrayed in subordinate roles where they are loud, ghetto, a baby mama or promiscuous. There is a lack of positive representation of black women in the media.

Black women are constantly being disrespected by others. Back in 2011 a psychologist named Satoshi Kanazawa wrote an article on "Psychology today" stating that black women are the least attractive women compared to other races. There was a huge backlash and the article was removed. However this notion is reflected in wider society where there is a Europeanised standard of beauty. White women are the standard of beauty and femininity whereas black women who do not fit these white standards are not seen a beautiful or feminine. Look at Serena Williams for example who has throughout her career been insulted because of her appearance, she has been called terms such as "manly” and "gorilla". When I see Serena Williams I see a beautiful black woman (plus she has a body to die for!) unfortunately there are many people who do not share these views. Even looking at Michelle Obama she was constantly insulted while she was the 1st Lady and has been called an "ape in heels". Despite their achievements and successes there are people that do not respect them because they are black women.

People have always disrespected our features, for example our natural afro hair has been perceived as unkempt and unprofessional to the extent that many black women have been told to change their hair at their workplace or school. There are men in the media who have used the term "Nappy headed" as an insult to black women with afro textured hair. Even our facial features e.g. having full lips were not seen as attractive in mainstream society until Kylie Jenner started getting lip fillers to increase the size of her lips then all of a sudden everybody wanted bigger lips. Features that were ridiculed on black women are praised on white women. Even having a big butt wasn't desirable in mainstream society but when the likes of J Lo and Kim K were praised for their butts it became acceptable by society.

As much as I wish I did not have to say this, some of the contributors to misogynoir are black men. In music, particularly hip-hop there is a lot of disrespect towards black women who are often referred to by derogatory terms. In music videos there is the hypersexualisation of the black female body. The level of disrespect is increased in relation to dark skinned women. Recently rapper Kodak Black said in an interview that he likes light skinned women and not women his complexion because they are too "gutter" (whatever that means). The sad thing is that I've heard this narrative first hand from black males who say they do not date black girls and if they do they are mixed race/light skinned black girls, because dark skinned black girls are too rude, have attitudes, or are not attractive. When certain black men become very successful they choose to only date white women (I'm not against interracial relationships, just men that put down women of their race in the process). These men have internalised so much self-hatred within themselves that they do not want to see their image in a woman that they date. They have been brainwashed and conditioned by society to believe that lighter/paler skin equates to beauty (That is why I disagree with men who say wanting a lighter skinned female is just a "preference").

This has a domino effect because in turn this affects the self-esteem of dark skinned girls who believe that they are ugly because of their skin color. I have a friend who is a make up artist and she has told me that she has had very young dark skinned females ask her to match their foundation shade on their skin and when she does they are not happy and request a lighter foundation shade to make their skin look lighter. This really hurt me when she told me this. This detrimental narrative has been internalised by many black women and some will go to great lengths to erase their blackness (just look at Lil Kim).

Human life started from the Black Woman (as we all know life started in Africa). However throughout history black women have been marginalised, discriminated against and oppressed but despite these hurdles, black women have remained strong and resilient. As a black woman I will not allow my gender or race to hinder me from achieving my goals. I will not allow society to dictate how I should view myself. We do not need validation from people who have white supremacist ideologies or misogynistic beliefs. I see my skin and gender as a blessing, not a curse, I am a proud black women. Despite the prejudices we may face I am glad that there has been a shift in society and more black women are embracing who they are and achieving great things. Below is my favourite speech by Malcolm X.

Comparison

I'm sure many of you have heard the saying "Comparison is the thief of Joy". I think this is one of the truest statements to exist, but what does it really mean? Most of us (including myself) are guilty of comparing ourselves to other people. We do not feel content with our lives and who we are, we are constantly comparing ourselves to others. This has been exacerbated by social media where people portray their "amazing life" which makes us feel like we are inadequate. We compare every aspect of our lives with other people. We live in a world where people only show the great things about their life or in other words their "highlight reel" and we compare our life to this highlight reel which does not show the struggles and difficulties these people go through. We tend to see people's achievements and successes but have absolutely no idea of the struggles, blood, sweat and tears that goes on behind the scenes.

It is easy to look at someone and say "I wish I had what they have" but if you were to go through what they had to go through to obtain it you wouldn't even want it anymore. I see many people on social media comment "Goals" on a lot of pictures i.e. relationship goals, friendship goals, hair goals, body goals etc. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having goals, I encourage it but I do not think we should look to other people to be our yardstick of what we should be. God created everyone individually and gave each person a unique path. The path God has set for you is for you and no one else. If a door is not opening in your life then it means it is not your door to open but it's for someone else. When the time is right God will open the right doors for you.

Social media can have a great affect on our confidence and self esteem. Just by going on instagram you see numerous 'beautiful' women and if you are a female and not careful you will begin to compare yourself to them and feel like you are not attractive. But we have to be careful because many of these 'beautiful' women have either had surgery, are wearing tons of make up, use photoshop, angles, lighting, filters etc to look 'beautiful' so we are just comparing ourselves to false images. Learn to see beauty in yourself. Another area where comparison occurs are relationships, there are these social media couples who portray these perfect relationships, but you do not know what goes on behind the scenes. There could be infidelity, abuse, loneliness etc. People will only show you what they want to. I'm sure there are couples you know personally who have many issues but on their social media they look more than perfect, do not make idols of other people's relationships.

I think the biggest area where comparison happens the most is money. In the media and on social media numerous people love to portray their luxurious lifestyle. For some of these people you can not tell how they are able to fund this lifestyle. I had a conversation with my brother about these young attractive females usually in their early 20's who have a large following and have all these expensive items but looking at their social media page there is no sign of what they do in terms of job or career. I see many of them with a booking email ending with '@gmail.com' and you can not tell what kind of service they are even offering to book them for. Though we do hear of the "sugar daddys' and the scammers it just shows that we shouldn't envy these people's lives. Some people will do questionable things in order to obtain money. The bible says not to envy these people. " Don't envy sinners but always continue to fear the Lord...you will be rewarded for this" (Proverbs 23:17) Not all money is good money and I believe money obtained by illegitimate means will never last as stated in the bible "Dishonest money dwindles away, but whoever gathers money little by little makes it grow." (Proverbs 13:11)

There was a time in my life when I was depressed, it seemed like nothing was working out in my life. No matter how hard I tried, doors kept closing around me and I kept failing. I felt like I wasn't good enough and felt inadequate, I saw things working out for my peers and I always used to ask God why he is allowing things to work out for others but not for me though I've worked equally as hard. I felt like I was a failure. Feeling low about myself I used to ask myself things like: why aren't I as pretty as her? Why don't I earn as much money as they do? Why haven't I achieved as much as they have?. Through this season (which I call the wilderness season) God was teaching me to be patient. I used to think that because I worked hard I was entitled to receive what I wanted when I wanted, after all I put in the work. However God needed to teach me that my plans for my life cannot override what his plans for my life is. I was used to having things my way and working the way I wanted it, I allowed my selfish ambitions to take over. Looking back I am thankful I went through that period of my life, it taught me to trust in God's timing and not my own time. After a while doors started opening for me and I am in a much better position now than I was before. If the wrong doors had opened for me when I wanted them to I wouldn't be where I am now. I believe that rejection, failure and closed doors can be a blessing in disguise and can also be a way of protecting you.

Regardless of where you are in life right now learn to be content in your season. Situations in life are not permanent, like seasons they change. Your situation today does not determine your future, God can change any situation.Learn to trust in God and do not compare yourself to others. I understand it can be difficult especially when people ask questions like "are you not working in your field yet?" "When are you getting married?" "When are you getting your own place?" When are you having kids?" etc unfortunately people do not know how to mind their own business. The things that are going to happen in your life will happen at the right time when they are suppose to. Do not try to rush the process. In the mean time work on yourself and be content, focus on your own lane.If God can do it for me he can do it for you too.

Embracing the melanin

After having an interesting conversation with my brother we've noticed that over the past few years this current generation of the African diaspora are embracing their african roots and black identity. For example, the rapid growth of the natural hair community especially on platforms such as youtube (I'm 4 years natural! :)) where it is about taking care of your natural hair, rocking your Afro and wearing protective styles such as bantu knots. There has also been a dramatic increase in the type of hair products which are specifically made for natural hair. I never knew how to maintain my natural hair, hence the reason I used to relax my hair because I found it easier to maintain. Due to discovering certain YouTube channels  I now know how to look after my natural 4c hair and which type of products to use. I never see myself perming my hair again. Afro hair is beautiful and versatile. Even though living in the western world where having straighter longer hair is viewed as "better" it is a mindset which is shifting and can be seen in the decline in sales of hair relaxers. There is still an issue of whether black hairstyles are seen as appropriate in schools and different professions. Not too long ago a 13 year old south african girl who has a big beautiful Afro was told by her school that her hair was inappropriate. It is unfortunate that the hair that grows out of head is viewed as inappropriate especially in Africa.  There have also been many stories of black people who are told to change their natural hairstyles at school or at work. Despite these things happening I do believe that peoples attitudes are changing in regards to black natural hairstyles .As someone who works in the Legal profession I have come across black lawyers with afro's and dreadlocks which shows that there is more of an acceptance to these hairstyles.

African clothing has also become very popular. In real life and on social media I see more people wearing Ankara fabric with a modern twist to it. There is also a trend of people wearing Dashiki's. There are many African Americans including  celebrities who wear them. I see them all over Instagram and it makes me happy seeing people trying to connect with their African roots.There is also a growth in the popularity of kente cloth (which originates from my homeland of Ghana) and there is a swimsuit line by Red Sta® collection which specialises in selling kente bikini's. However there was an issue with some Africans saying African Americans are appropriating African culture. This is something I wholeheartedly disagree with. African Americans are also Africans and you can not appropriate what is your cultural heritage. African slaves were robbed of their African culture but it doesn't' mean that African culture is no longer theirs. Slavery did cause a disconnect between African Americans and Africa but by them trying to reconnect that bridge is a positive thing.

One of my favourite things is the big embrace of dark skin women which I am loving (I am biased because I am a dark skinned woman myself) there are plenty of Instagram pages dedicated to dark skin women and the term "Melanin" is used everywhere. For a very long time (and still continues today) dark skin has been viewed as ugly in many cultures all over the world. This was caused by white supremacy during slavery and colonisation. People of colour have been conditioned to think that lighter skin equals beauty. In some cultures people of lighter skin are given better opportunities and given positions of power compared to their dark skin counterparts. Colorism is very real (just research the Indian cast system). Some people choose to have children with lighter skinned people just so that their children can come out fairer skinned. This is such a negative mind set to have but unfortunately is the world we live in. I do believe that some progress is being made, when Lupita Nyongo became the Hollywood "it" girl it showed that a dark skinned African women can also be viewed as beautiful by society. She gave hope to many of the black women who look like her.  I support any movement which encourages dark skin women to love the skin their in.


Being black and being a women in a society where white  men tend to be at the top, it can be difficult to see value in yourself. We are told how we should look and not to be our true authentic selves. I am glad that in this generation (which reminds me of the 1970's black power era) people are apologetically embracing who they are. Despite society having conditioned people to think that anything associated with Africa is negative it is a mindset which is reversing. African culture is becoming more mainstream and accepted whether it be products (african black soap, shea butter), clothing, music etc. I am completely here for it and hope it continues.

Black History Series: Is Voodoo really evil?

Voodoo, juju, obeah, there are many names for it. Growing up I thought that voodoo was evil and came from the devil. However my opinion started to change at one Black history talk I went to years ago. One of the speakers said he practised voodoo and straight away the audience felt uneasy which he noticed and commented on. He went on further to explain that voodoo is actually just an African religion. Since then I started my own research on voodoo.

Voodoo is a religion that originated from West Africa.Voodoo comes from the word Vodun which means spirit. Like most monotheist religions Voodooists believe in a  supreme being called Bondye who created the universe. It is believed that this supreme being does not interfere with human affairs. Voodooists believe in spirits called "Loa's"and believe that their ancestors are part of this spirit world.
Each Loa represents a different aspect of life i.e  spirit of agriculture, spirit of love etc. Loa's are an intermediary between voodooists and Bondye (God). Voodooists pray to Loa's to help them with their life and for guidance.Voodoo has priest and priestesses who people go to to seek help and spiritual guidance and healing through herbal medicines.

There are many voodoo rituals which include singing, drumming and dancing which are an expression of spirituality. These rituals are a way for voodooist to make contact with a Loa to improve their standard of living, receive healing and to protect them from evil forces. This includes spiritual possession and animal sacrifice.

During the trans-atlantic slave trade Europeans did all they could to strip africans from anything to do with their heritage i.e. names, language and religion. Slave owners wanted their slaves to follow their religion of Christianity. They forced their religion onto the slaves and punished those slaves who they saw practicing their own religion. There was a law that was passed that banned slaves from practicing African religions and for slaves to be christianised. During this time is when Europeans demonized this African religion and promoted their idea that African religion is "evil". This idea of voodoo being evil is still very alive today.This has been influenced by the media portraying voodoo as en evil satanic religion. Even the concept of the voodoo doll was invented by Hollywood. Just type in "voodoo" in google and see the scary images that come up.

Many slaves continued practicing voodoo secretly and because they were forced to practice Christianity they incorporated some aspects of Catholicism  into voodoo. Hence Voodoo is a combination of the African beliefs with Catholicism. African slaves bought Voodoo to America, the Caribbean and South America. Voodoo is predominantly practiced  in Louisiana and Haiti. In Haiti and Benin, voodoo is the official religion. Depending on where Voodoo is practised, there are different variations of it.

There are similarities between Voodoo and other world religions. The idea of one supreme being and spirits are common in most religions. It is unfortunate that due to white supremacy this African religion has been negatively labelled. Voodoo is probably the most misunderstood religion in the world but through educating ourselves we realise it is not as evil as we thought.