In order for a seed to grow, it needs the right environment. It needs good soil, sunlight and water. If the environment isn't right, the seed will struggle to grow to its full potential.
That's how I see humans. We are like seeds, and the environments we find ourselves in can greatly affect the trajectory of our lives.
For many years, I felt I was planted in bad soil. I was raised to have ambition and aim high, which is quite common for those born to immigrant parents. However, the environment I grew up in didn't always reflect those values. I was taught to take education seriously, but at the schools I attended, many people didn't value education. I was called a "boffin" (nerd), and it was said to me in a negative way. Behaving badly or failing was treated as a badge of honour. I never understood why anyone wanted to fail school. To be honest, I struggled to relate to the mindsets of many of the people around me.
I knew I was a misfit.
I've always been a dreamer. I knew I wanted more for myself. I was surrounded by people who lacked ambition, and I witnessed others becoming involved in criminal lifestyles and struggling with drug addiction. I knew I didn't want to become a product of my environment or another negative statistic. I wanted a different life, one filled with opportunities and achievements beyond what I saw around me.
Interestingly, I remember being chosen to go on Gifted and Talented trips with students from other schools. Being around students who shared my academic interests made me feel more normal. I wasn't the odd one out for taking education seriously.
Sometimes, you can spend so long feeling different that you begin to question yourself. But what if the problem isn't who you are? What if you simply haven't found the right environment?
I experienced friendships in which my ambition, personal growth, and opinions sometimes made them uncomfortable. I was insulted for expressing certain views; I was told my goals were unrealistic. When I celebrated black excellence, I was told that I was arrogant and that it was offensive. Even when I made connections with like-minded, ambitious women, it became an issue in some of these friendships.
One of these 'friends' once said to me that "networking is using people", which I wholeheartedly disagree with. At university, I was taught that networking was necessary, and we were encouraged to start building connections early. Even my mentor kept emphasising its importance to me. I see networking as an opportunity to build connections, unlock opportunities and to grow.
At times, I felt as though I was expected to shrink myself, even as I worked towards becoming a better version of myself. Eventually, I had to accept that some friendships were no longer right for me and let them go. Not every friendship is meant to accompany you through every season of your life. Sometimes, your values, mindsets and aspirations simply no longer align.
I'm fortunate to have friendships with like-minded women who encourage me to grow. We attend empowerment/networking events, discuss our goals, pray together and share business ideas.
What I appreciate most is that my current friends are secure in themselves and their own journeys. There's no sense of competition, envy or jealousy when one of us grows or achieves something. Instead, we celebrate one another, share opportunities and genuinely want to see each other succeed.
Most importantly, I can be myself.
I don't have to monitor what I say or make myself smaller to keep others comfortable. My friends encourage me, inspire me and remind me never to doubt myself or what I'm capable of achieving. I'm grateful for these relationships because they've shown me how empowering it is to surround yourself with people who genuinely want to see you thrive.
I didn't need to become a different person to fit in. I needed to find people with whom I could be myself.
I've also had the opportunity to network with Americans, and one thing that stood out to me was their level of ambition. Their mindset around success and what they believed was possible was on another level. When I shared my dreams, rather than thinking they were unrealistic, they told me I was thinking too small and challenged me to aim even higher. It made me realise how much the people around you can influence the size of your dreams.
I grew up attending a traditional Ghanaian church, and I'm grateful for the principles and values it instilled in me. These included the importance of aiming high, pursuing a professional career, marriage before having children, and surrounding yourself with like-minded people.
However, I never really felt as though I fully belonged. There weren't many people my age, and I struggled to connect with those around me. Being Ghanaian brought another challenge: I was ridiculed for not speaking Twi, even though it isn't my language. Because I don't speak it, I was made to feel excluded. There were also expectations of how I should be. During a prayer session, I was scolded for not praying out loud, despite praying quietly to myself. I was made to feel as though I was doing something wrong simply because I expressed my faith differently.
My experience at my current church is very different. I'm part of a more diverse church where I've made amazing friends and found a great community. I feel comfortable being myself and can pray quietly without feeling pressured to pray in a particular way. I'm grateful for what I learned growing up, but I'm equally grateful to have found a church where I feel connected and accepted.
Our work environments can also affect us. I've worked in toxic environments where I was constantly micromanaged, overworked, made to feel as though I'm not good enough, or not paid what I was worth. These experiences can make you question your abilities, even when you're capable of so much more. It is difficult to thrive in these environments.
In contrast, working in an environment where you're respected, trusted to work autonomously, fairly compensated and appreciated for your contributions can make all the difference. That's my experience now. These conditions give you room to grow and reach your potential.
Sometimes, you don't need to work harder to prove your worth. You need to be in an environment that recognises it.
One piece of advice I often hear from successful people I look up to is to surround yourself with the right people. The people around you influence your mindset, confidence and what you believe is possible. Some environments encourage your growth, while others leave you questioning your ambitions and doubting yourself.
Surround yourself with people who encourage your growth, celebrate your achievements and allow you to be yourself. You deserve to be in environments where you can flourish rather than feel the need to make yourself smaller.
Looking at my life today, I'm much happier being in environments and around people I am aligned with. I have friendships where I can be my authentic self, a church community where I feel connected, and spaces where my ambition and desire for growth are encouraged. I've even had some big opportunities come my way. I've realised that I didn't need to change who I was; I needed to find the right people and environments.
I'm multifaceted, and I love that about myself. I enjoy reading, learning about history and technology, discussing politics, debating, listening to orchestral music, going to the gym and expressing my many opinions. All these things contribute to who I am, and I don't want to be anyone else.
For too long, I think many of us have felt pressure to tone down parts of ourselves to make others comfortable. But I no longer want to hide my interests, downplay my ambitions or silence my opinions to gain acceptance.
I will protect this version of myself at all costs. I have spent decades working on myself to become who I am today and will continue to grow to become the best version of myself.
I love the woman I am becoming, and I wouldn't change her for the world.
Sometimes, you don't need to change who you are. You need to find the right soil to grow.
Sometimes, the issue isn't you. It's the environment you're trying to grow in. 🌱
