Comparison

I'm sure many of you have heard the saying "Comparison is the thief of Joy". I think this is one of the truest statements to exist, but what does it really mean? Most of us (including myself) are guilty of comparing ourselves to other people. We do not feel content with our lives and who we are, we are constantly comparing ourselves to others. This has been exacerbated by social media where people portray their "amazing life" which makes us feel like we are inadequate. We compare every aspect of our lives with other people. We live in a world where people only show the great things about their life or in other words their "highlight reel" and we compare our life to this highlight reel which does not show the struggles and difficulties these people go through. We tend to see people's achievements and successes but have absolutely no idea of the struggles, blood, sweat and tears that goes on behind the scenes.

It is easy to look at someone and say "I wish I had what they have" but if you were to go through what they had to go through to obtain it you wouldn't even want it anymore. I see many people on social media comment "Goals" on a lot of pictures i.e. relationship goals, friendship goals, hair goals, body goals etc. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having goals, I encourage it but I do not think we should look to other people to be our yardstick of what we should be. God created everyone individually and gave each person a unique path. The path God has set for you is for you and no one else. If a door is not opening in your life then it means it is not your door to open but it's for someone else. When the time is right God will open the right doors for you.

Social media can have a great affect on our confidence and self esteem. Just by going on instagram you see numerous 'beautiful' women and if you are a female and not careful you will begin to compare yourself to them and feel like you are not attractive. But we have to be careful because many of these 'beautiful' women have either had surgery, are wearing tons of make up, use photoshop, angles, lighting, filters etc to look 'beautiful' so we are just comparing ourselves to false images. Learn to see beauty in yourself. Another area where comparison occurs are relationships, there are these social media couples who portray these perfect relationships, but you do not know what goes on behind the scenes. There could be infidelity, abuse, loneliness etc. People will only show you what they want to. I'm sure there are couples you know personally who have many issues but on their social media they look more than perfect, do not make idols of other people's relationships.

I think the biggest area where comparison happens the most is money. In the media and on social media numerous people love to portray their luxurious lifestyle. For some of these people you can not tell how they are able to fund this lifestyle. I had a conversation with my brother about these young attractive females usually in their early 20's who have a large following and have all these expensive items but looking at their social media page there is no sign of what they do in terms of job or career. I see many of them with a booking email ending with '@gmail.com' and you can not tell what kind of service they are even offering to book them for. Though we do hear of the "sugar daddys' and the scammers it just shows that we shouldn't envy these people's lives. Some people will do questionable things in order to obtain money. The bible says not to envy these people. " Don't envy sinners but always continue to fear the Lord...you will be rewarded for this" (Proverbs 23:17) Not all money is good money and I believe money obtained by illegitimate means will never last as stated in the bible "Dishonest money dwindles away, but whoever gathers money little by little makes it grow." (Proverbs 13:11)

There was a time in my life when I was depressed, it seemed like nothing was working out in my life. No matter how hard I tried, doors kept closing around me and I kept failing. I felt like I wasn't good enough and felt inadequate, I saw things working out for my peers and I always used to ask God why he is allowing things to work out for others but not for me though I've worked equally as hard. I felt like I was a failure. Feeling low about myself I used to ask myself things like: why aren't I as pretty as her? Why don't I earn as much money as they do? Why haven't I achieved as much as they have?. Through this season (which I call the wilderness season) God was teaching me to be patient. I used to think that because I worked hard I was entitled to receive what I wanted when I wanted, after all I put in the work. However God needed to teach me that my plans for my life cannot override what his plans for my life is. I was used to having things my way and working the way I wanted it, I allowed my selfish ambitions to take over. Looking back I am thankful I went through that period of my life, it taught me to trust in God's timing and not my own time. After a while doors started opening for me and I am in a much better position now than I was before. If the wrong doors had opened for me when I wanted them to I wouldn't be where I am now. I believe that rejection, failure and closed doors can be a blessing in disguise and can also be a way of protecting you.

Regardless of where you are in life right now learn to be content in your season. Situations in life are not permanent, like seasons they change. Your situation today does not determine your future, God can change any situation.Learn to trust in God and do not compare yourself to others. I understand it can be difficult especially when people ask questions like "are you not working in your field yet?" "When are you getting married?" "When are you getting your own place?" When are you having kids?" etc unfortunately people do not know how to mind their own business. The things that are going to happen in your life will happen at the right time when they are suppose to. Do not try to rush the process. In the mean time work on yourself and be content, focus on your own lane.If God can do it for me he can do it for you too.

Embracing the melanin

After having an interesting conversation with my brother we've noticed that over the past few years this current generation of the African diaspora are embracing their african roots and black identity. For example, the rapid growth of the natural hair community especially on platforms such as youtube (I'm 4 years natural! :)) where it is about taking care of your natural hair, rocking your Afro and wearing protective styles such as bantu knots. There has also been a dramatic increase in the type of hair products which are specifically made for natural hair. I never knew how to maintain my natural hair, hence the reason I used to relax my hair because I found it easier to maintain. Due to discovering certain YouTube channels  I now know how to look after my natural 4c hair and which type of products to use. I never see myself perming my hair again. Afro hair is beautiful and versatile. Even though living in the western world where having straighter longer hair is viewed as "better" it is a mindset which is shifting and can be seen in the decline in sales of hair relaxers. There is still an issue of whether black hairstyles are seen as appropriate in schools and different professions. Not too long ago a 13 year old south african girl who has a big beautiful Afro was told by her school that her hair was inappropriate. It is unfortunate that the hair that grows out of head is viewed as inappropriate especially in Africa.  There have also been many stories of black people who are told to change their natural hairstyles at school or at work. Despite these things happening I do believe that peoples attitudes are changing in regards to black natural hairstyles .As someone who works in the Legal profession I have come across black lawyers with afro's and dreadlocks which shows that there is more of an acceptance to these hairstyles.

African clothing has also become very popular. In real life and on social media I see more people wearing Ankara fabric with a modern twist to it. There is also a trend of people wearing Dashiki's. There are many African Americans including  celebrities who wear them. I see them all over Instagram and it makes me happy seeing people trying to connect with their African roots.There is also a growth in the popularity of kente cloth (which originates from my homeland of Ghana) and there is a swimsuit line by Red Sta® collection which specialises in selling kente bikini's. However there was an issue with some Africans saying African Americans are appropriating African culture. This is something I wholeheartedly disagree with. African Americans are also Africans and you can not appropriate what is your cultural heritage. African slaves were robbed of their African culture but it doesn't' mean that African culture is no longer theirs. Slavery did cause a disconnect between African Americans and Africa but by them trying to reconnect that bridge is a positive thing.

One of my favourite things is the big embrace of dark skin women which I am loving (I am biased because I am a dark skinned woman myself) there are plenty of Instagram pages dedicated to dark skin women and the term "Melanin" is used everywhere. For a very long time (and still continues today) dark skin has been viewed as ugly in many cultures all over the world. This was caused by white supremacy during slavery and colonisation. People of colour have been conditioned to think that lighter skin equals beauty. In some cultures people of lighter skin are given better opportunities and given positions of power compared to their dark skin counterparts. Colorism is very real (just research the Indian cast system). Some people choose to have children with lighter skinned people just so that their children can come out fairer skinned. This is such a negative mind set to have but unfortunately is the world we live in. I do believe that some progress is being made, when Lupita Nyongo became the Hollywood "it" girl it showed that a dark skinned African women can also be viewed as beautiful by society. She gave hope to many of the black women who look like her.  I support any movement which encourages dark skin women to love the skin their in.


Being black and being a women in a society where white  men tend to be at the top, it can be difficult to see value in yourself. We are told how we should look and not to be our true authentic selves. I am glad that in this generation (which reminds me of the 1970's black power era) people are apologetically embracing who they are. Despite society having conditioned people to think that anything associated with Africa is negative it is a mindset which is reversing. African culture is becoming more mainstream and accepted whether it be products (african black soap, shea butter), clothing, music etc. I am completely here for it and hope it continues.

Black History Series: Is Voodoo really evil?

Voodoo, juju, obeah, there are many names for it. Growing up I thought that voodoo was evil and came from the devil. However my opinion started to change at one Black history talk I went to years ago. One of the speakers said he practised voodoo and straight away the audience felt uneasy which he noticed and commented on. He went on further to explain that voodoo is actually just an African religion. Since then I started my own research on voodoo.

Voodoo is a religion that originated from West Africa.Voodoo comes from the word Vodun which means spirit. Like most monotheist religions Voodooists believe in a  supreme being called Bondye who created the universe. It is believed that this supreme being does not interfere with human affairs. Voodooists believe in spirits called "Loa's"and believe that their ancestors are part of this spirit world.
Each Loa represents a different aspect of life i.e  spirit of agriculture, spirit of love etc. Loa's are an intermediary between voodooists and Bondye (God). Voodooists pray to Loa's to help them with their life and for guidance.Voodoo has priest and priestesses who people go to to seek help and spiritual guidance and healing through herbal medicines.

There are many voodoo rituals which include singing, drumming and dancing which are an expression of spirituality. These rituals are a way for voodooist to make contact with a Loa to improve their standard of living, receive healing and to protect them from evil forces. This includes spiritual possession and animal sacrifice.

During the trans-atlantic slave trade Europeans did all they could to strip africans from anything to do with their heritage i.e. names, language and religion. Slave owners wanted their slaves to follow their religion of Christianity. They forced their religion onto the slaves and punished those slaves who they saw practicing their own religion. There was a law that was passed that banned slaves from practicing African religions and for slaves to be christianised. During this time is when Europeans demonized this African religion and promoted their idea that African religion is "evil". This idea of voodoo being evil is still very alive today.This has been influenced by the media portraying voodoo as en evil satanic religion. Even the concept of the voodoo doll was invented by Hollywood. Just type in "voodoo" in google and see the scary images that come up.

Many slaves continued practicing voodoo secretly and because they were forced to practice Christianity they incorporated some aspects of Catholicism  into voodoo. Hence Voodoo is a combination of the African beliefs with Catholicism. African slaves bought Voodoo to America, the Caribbean and South America. Voodoo is predominantly practiced  in Louisiana and Haiti. In Haiti and Benin, voodoo is the official religion. Depending on where Voodoo is practised, there are different variations of it.

There are similarities between Voodoo and other world religions. The idea of one supreme being and spirits are common in most religions. It is unfortunate that due to white supremacy this African religion has been negatively labelled. Voodoo is probably the most misunderstood religion in the world but through educating ourselves we realise it is not as evil as we thought.

Black History Series: Roots Remake 2016

Disclaimer: This post contains spoilers

I remember watching the original Roots series over a decade ago when I visited my uncle in the US. I was in his living room and saw the Roots DVD set which caught my eye. I had never heard of Roots before but looking at the cover I saw it was about slavery. I was very curious because I had never watched a film about slavery before so I decided to watch it. It was definitely an eye opener, though some scenes were difficult to watch it was something I needed to see and I'm glad I did watch it. This mini series was a journey which started in a small Gambian village ending generations later in America after slavery ended.

When I heard about Roots being remade I was quite excited. It was very controversial because many people were against it being remade. Primarily because the original was such a classic and usually a remake never does it any justice. Another reason why people were against it was because it was another slave narrative being shown in the media.When it comes to films about black history it tends to be about slavery or the civil rights movement i.e. 12 years a slave & Selma. Many people are sick of the media showing these types of films especially where black people are portrayed in subservient roles. We rarely see films where black people are rulers, successful or in high positions of power and this was a point raised by Snoop Dogg. I agree that the media do need to diversify the black narratives they show.

However, I can honestly say that after watching the 2016 version of Roots I think its even better then the original. The story telling was captivating. The whole production, the imagery and the cinematography was outstanding.  I liked the choice of cast and the way the main characters were developed during this story. This version of roots contained stories that were not included in the original 1977 version.

In the beginning the concept of slavery happening in Africa prior to the European involvement was adressed. Slavery in Africa was when people were made to be indentured servants which was very different from chattel slavery. It was not as brutal and most of these servants became free are a few years.

This version had more focus on Kunta Kinte's life in Africa. His journey into manhood, his love interest and even his dreams and aspirations of going to the University of Timbuktu to study. This made his character very relatable. I also felt like this version was more authentic when showing the scenes in Africa. The black actors in these scenes had Gambian accents unlike the original where they had polished american accents. Even when Kunta first came to America he was speaking Mandinka and slowly began to learn english which was very realistic. I think that Malachi Kirby did a very excellent job of playing Kunta Kinte.

There was a big focus on Mandinka traditions. One recurrent tradition was the naming of a baby, where the child is held up towards the sky in the middle of the night and the parent makes a declaration. This was very symbolic as it represented each new generation.

Roots is very emotive and there were many tough scenes to watch. One of these  scenes was  Kunta Kinte being whipped for trying to keep his name. He suffered and fought to keep his identity. It made me think of Africans now who change their given African names to a westernised name which is upsetting. This scene made me think how lucky I am to know my identity, which I do take for granted at times and how I should be proud of it. Another difficult scene to watch was when Kizzy was trying to resist being raped by her owner who then proceeds to say "this is MY right". The fact that as a female slave you had no control over your own body emphasised how much slaves did not have any rights.

I think one of the most powerful scenes for me was during the American Civil War where the Union soldiers (which had both black and white soldiers) surrendered against the confederacy soldiers. They lowered their weapons, put their hands up and said "don't shoot!" , the confederacy army then proceeds to shoot every black soldier in the union army while sparing the lives of the white soldiers. This immediately reminded me of the Michael Brown story and the police brutality that goes on in America today.

Overall I do recommend watching Roots. While watching this it made me think what could possess some of the white Europeans at the time to be so brutal towards Africans who had done nothing to them. These people were pure evil and had no type of empathy towards Africans. They felt no way mutilating, lynching and raping them as well as selling slaves away from their families. Despite all the brutality and evil that slaves had to endure they still stayed strong and still rebelled until they became free (I like the fact that this version mentioned the Nat Turner slave rebellion). Kunta was a Mandinka warrior and this warrior spirit has transcended through generations. Africans  overcoming slavery illustrates their strength and dignity which is something to be proud of. As much as the slavery narrative may be played out I think Roots 2016 was needed for the new generation who may lack knowledge about this part of history.

Beyonce Speaks Out!

I admit I have been a big Beyonce fan since I was a little girl in primary school listening to Destiny's Child. She is one of the most powerful black female musicians of our generation. However I did realise that Beyonce rarely spoke out about issues faced by African Americans. This confused me, but then I thought it was because she didn't want to tarnish her image since she has a huge non-black fan base. However when I saw the 'Formation' video I was very surprised but I loved the imagery  that was used throughout the video. She took it back to her southern black roots. She referenced hurricane Katrina, Mardi Gras which is part of New Orleans culture,  Martin Luther King, the black church etc.

One of my favourite lines in the song is "I like my baby hair with baby hair and afro's/ I like my negro nose with Jackson 5 nostrils" I loved those lines because she came back at those critics who always spoke negatively about Blue Ivy's hair and Jay Z's wide nose. Having afro hair and a wide nose are common features in people of African descent but due to our europeanised standard of beauty those features are seen as "ugly". I like the fact that she embraces these African features.




The most powerful imagery in the whole video was the scene of the boy in a hoodie dancing in front of policemen who hold their hands up and on the wall it says "Stop shooting us" in reference to the police brutality against african americans.

I was excited when I saw Beyonce's Super Bowl performance with her wearing a Michael Jackson style jacket and her back up dancers with their big beautiful afro hair and wearing berets similar to those worn by the Black Panthers. It has been 50 years since the formation of the Black Panther Party. It was refreshing to see so many beautiful black women because we do not often see that many black women with their natural hair in the media, only the odd few.

However there has been a lot of hate and criticism towards Beyonce in relation to her performance and there is an anti-Beyonce protest organised against her. I've seen a lot of critics say how Beyonce is anti-police and that she is racist and is wrong for paying homage to the Black Panther Party which is a terrorist organisation. Seeing this nonsense angers me. For an African American to speak out against police brutality which predominantly affects their race and for them to be perceived as if they are the villain disgusts me. Countless black people have been killed by the police, it is black people and their families that are the victims and the ones suffering. But asking to not be killed i.e. "Don't shoot" makes you a racist? police are supposed to protect and serve citizens not use excessive force by killing unarmed black people who do not pose a serious threat.

I am also sick of hearing about the Black Panther party being a black extremist/racist/terrorist group. The Black Panther Party was created in 1966 by Bobby Seale and Huey Newton in response to the violence and mistreatment suffered by African Americans by white americans. The party protected and helped black communities, it  provided free breakfast for children and even worked alongside white groups who wanted to help gain equality for black people. They fought against police brutality, fought for civil rights and equality in areas such as employment, housing and education. They believed in arming themselves as a means of protection and self defence, after all they were exercising their constitutional right of bearing arms. However their aim was not to harm or kill people like groups such as the KKK did.  Because of the growth of the party and its success, they were seen as a threat by the government. The FBI did all they could to destroy the party. Many members of the Black Panthers were killed by police, many were arrested and harassed, the group was infiltrated and eventually destroyed.

Its a shame that speaking out against racism makes you a "racist" and trying to fight for equality makes you a "terrorist" but the people that are giving these labels are the true racists who fear when blacks speak out against their ill treatment. I am proud of what Beyonce did, using her superstar status on a huge platform like the Super Bowl which was watched by a billion people worldwide to address an ongoing social and political issue. I believe in equality for all and support anybody regardless of race who tries to make a positive difference. Like Beyonce said at the end of Formation "You know you that bitch when you cause all this conversation"