Rape Culture

Male and female. The two sexes. Depending on which sex you were born as, it can dictate the course of your life. It can affect the opportunities that would be open to you, it can affect the money you can earn, it can affect whether you are likely to become a victim of sexual assault. It will determine how the world will view and treat you.

Most of us can agree that the majority of the societies in this world are patriarchal, therefore if you are born a male, you have automatic male privileges. Men hold the positions of power in society and have control over most of the world. This includes control over decisions that affect women.

A lot of negative sexist  ideologies have been taught about females in society. We are told that women are the "weaker" sex, we are told that women are inferior to men,  we are told that women are "too emotional" to make decisions therefore they cannot lead. Some sections of the media promotes the idea that women are sexual objects. Society perpetuates  misogynistic narratives towards women.  This includes blaming women for the behaviours of men.

I am going to look at this in context of rape and sexual assault. Rape culture is a culture where social attitudes normalise sexual abuse and blame the victims for their assaults.

The legal definitions  (in the UK) for Rape and Sexual Assault are found in the Sexual Offences Act 2003 as follows:

Section 1 - Rape 

(1) A person (A) commits an offence if—

(a) he intentionally penetrates the vagina, anus or mouth of another person (B) with his penis,

(b) B does not consent to the penetration, and

(c) A does not reasonably believe that B consents.

Section 3 - Sexual Assault 

(1) A person (A) commits an offence if—

(a) he intentionally touches another person (B),

(b) the touching is sexual,

(c) B does not consent to the touching, and

(d) A does not reasonably believe that B consents.
I am sure you are all aware of the #MeToo Movement, which was birthed out of women who were victims of sexual abuse. This movement became viral in 2017 and has helped to give a voice to women who have been victims of sexual abuse and to call out the male perpetrators. We have heard about Harvey Weinstein, Bill Cosby, R Kelly etc famous men who have been accused by numerous women for sexual abuse. There is also the SlutWalk movement which was popularised by Amber Rose which aims to end rape culture. This movement was started when a female was raped in Canada, and when she had reported this to the Police, she was told that she should have dressed differently to avoid being raped.

The issue in this society is that there is a victim blaming culture where women are blamed for men sexually abusing and raping them. Some women are told that they were raped because of how they dressed, or because they were drunk, or for being alone with a man at night. Some female victims internalise this and believe that it is their fault that they were raped/abused. However, instead of blaming the man who should be taught NOT to rape or abuse women, we instead tell females "do not do X so you won't get raped". Don't get me wrong, as women we do need to take precautions as there are a lot of crazy people out there. However, despite the situation a woman may find herself in, it doesn't justify her being raped/sexually abused.


It all starts with how males are socialised in terms of their views towards females and sex. Many males, especially in their younger years are conditioned to see sex as a sport rather than an act of intimacy. They are encouraged by their peers (and sometimes older males) to lose their virginity at a young age and to sleep with as many females as they possibly can because it makes them a "man". Males are celebrated for having numerous sexual partners, therefore some males do this so that they can brag to their friends. This is a big problem right here, because there are males who will go to great lengths just to sleep with a female. There are males who purposely prey on vulnerable females, there are males who manipulate and pressure females into sleeping with them and say things like "if you love me you will have sex with me". If you are a female and a male says this to you RUN!. There are males who only view women for their sexual pleasure , and once they get what they want they will dispose of her like a toy. These type of men have no regard for female's feelings.


There are some males who feel that they are entitled to a woman's body. Males who think like this are dangerous. They think it is ok to touch a woman inappropriately, (i.e. Donald Trump who talks about grabbing women by the pussy"). This is sexual assault and is VERY common. I am sure that the majority of females have been victims of sexual assault at least once in their life. I have on multiple occasions and I've also witnessed it happen to other females. Whether it is a man touching your bum, or rubbing his hands on your thigh, or trying to touch you up, it is all Sexual Assault. I've realised when confronting these perpetrators they act like they have done nothing wrong and do not see what is wrong with their behaviour.


Some men feel so entitled to women that when a women rejects their sexual advances, they are quick to insult her or even physically harm her. The worst case I heard was in America when a young woman was shot and killed by a man because she had rejected his advances at a club. It is scary being a female as there are many scary situations you have to deal with. This includes dealing with harassment from men, this includes men following you in their car while you are walking alone, this includes walking pass a group of men who then shout out sexual comments towards you. I remember walking home one evening alone, and a man came up to talk to me, I made it clear that I wasn't interested and he said he won't leave me alone until I gave him my number, which I refused to do. He was following me very closely, I was scared. Luckily, as I was nearing my house he finally left. It is sad that being born a female exposes you to such scary and potentially dangerous situations.

There are men who cannot control their sexual desires and urges and even go to the lengths of raping women to fulfil these desires. Rapists do not care about how their actions will affect the victim. Rape is a selfish act because all the rapist cares about is having his sexual needs gratified. He doesn't care about how this evil act will traumatise the victim or how it will scar the victim for the rest of their life. The sad thing is when women do speak about rape and sexual abuse, there are people who are quick to say they are lying and discredit them, especially when it comes to men with high social status. Though there are some women who do lie, this is only a minority. What surprises me is when there are numerous women who come out to say they have been sexually abused by the same man, and people still discredit them. People need to remember that there is no smoke without fire. However, if two men came out to say a particular woman is a hoe, men will be quick to believe this and not question it.

Boys need to be taught from young that girls are humans too, that need to be respected. Boys need to be taught that girls are not sexual objects to be used just for their sexual gratification. Boys need to learn to control their sexual desires. Boys should be taught the importance of CONSENT, and if a female doesn't give their consent or says no, then they should not proceed. If boys are taught these things from young, they will grow to become better men and this can potentially reduce the number of rapes/sexual assaults. Men also need to hold each other accountable, if you see your male friend acting inappropriately towards females without their consent, let them know that their behaviour is not ok. Do not encourage their negative behaviour. Rape is a male problem, therefore it is the responsibility of men to take active steps to deal with this epidemic.

Mental Health

My introduction to mental health was about a decade ago, when I studied psychology at A-level. I remember learning about different mental health disorders and developing an interest in this subject.  Mental health is still a stigma within the black community, and  it is not openly discussed. In African communities, especially the older generation,  some believe that the answer to mental health  issues is to "pray" for it to go away, instead of actually addressing the issue. There is also the belief that black people are "strong" therefore we do not really suffer from mental health issues. A lot of times, mental health is viewed as a "white people" issue.  However, there are many black people who do suffer from mental health issues, but find it hard to speak to someone about what they are going through,  or to seek help because of how they may be perceived or judged.

This leads people to suffer in silence, which is dangerous. I hear of people committing suicide and those close to them will say things like "S/he seemed fine, I didn't know there was something wrong" "why didn't they say anything".  As human beings, we are very good at putting on masks and hiding what is going on inside of us.  Someone may be smiling on the outside but suffering  on the inside. Despite what you see, you never know what is truly going on in someone's life. That is why I believe it is very important to check up on the people you care about, to see how they really are, even if they appear to 'have everything together'. You never know, you could potentially save a life.

It is not easy to tell someone that you are suffering from mental health issues or to discuss what you are going through. That is why I believe it is very important for everyone to have a support network around them of people they can trust and talk to. This could be your friends, your family or even a therapist/counsellor. If you are going through difficulties in your life, please talk to someone about it and do not suffer alone.

Mental health can affect all types of people regardless of race, gender and class. More recently there has been more conversations about mental health. There are celebrities who openly discuss their battle with mental health. I believe this is a positive thing as mental health awareness is very important. Depression and anxiety are the most common forms of mental illnesses. In 2017, a third of sick notes written by GP's were for mental health reasons.

I believe mental illness are becoming more common due to changes in society. With the rise of social media we base our value and worth in what social media tells us. e.g. that we must look a particular way, we must earn a certain amount of money, we must live a particular lifestyle. Further, with the young generation, they get their validation from the amount of likes and social media followers they have. A study was done which showed that dopamine (which makes us feel good) is released in the brain when someone receives a like, therefore making us crave more likes etc. This is detrimental to our mental health. There is also societal pressure  to achieve certain milestones by certain ages, i.g. marriage, having children, having your own place or to obtain society's definition of "success". When we do not match up to these standards, we feel inadequate which can lead to low self esteem, low confidence and depression. A lot of mental health issues are triggered by external factors, e.g. life situations, people, environment.

Mental health is equally important as physical health. I dealt with depression years ago when nothing in my life was working out. I felt like I was worthless and a failure. I stayed in my room and isolated myself from everyone, and  was consumed by negative thoughts. It took me a while before I spoke to someone about how I felt. More recently, I have been dealing with anxiety and have experienced  panic attacks. I did not understand why this was happening to me and felt that something was wrong with me. One Sunday at church, my Pastor spoke about his experiences with anxiety and how he dealt with it. This made me realise that I wasn't  alone in what I was experiencing. I also remember some of the youtubers who I am subscribed to, open up about their mental health issues and how therapy had helped them.

I started to consider therapy, but I admit, I did have negative pre-conceived notions about therapy, hence  why I had put off going. It is when I got to a point where I was close to having a mental breakdown, that I sought assistance from a therapist. Therapy has helped me a lot to deal with my anxiety and to understand why I feel the way that I do. I've learned a lot from my therapy sessions, including thinking patterns and how to deal with certain emotions.  I have also learned more about myself that I wouldn't have known otherwise. I would recommend that everybody should try therapy, as we all go through difficulties in life. Just because you see a therapist it does not mean that you are "crazy" or that something is wrong with you. You don't need to be diagnosed with a mental health condition to see a therapist.

If you are going through difficulties with your mental health, remember that it is ok, you are human. This does not make you a weak person. You are not alone. Talk to someone about your struggles, there is help and support available. You can see a therapist through the NHS https://beta.nhs.uk/find-a-psychological-therapies-service/check . Make your mental health a priority and take care of it like you would do your physical body.

Colorism

Colorism can be defined as the discrimination of someone based on their skin complexion. This usually occurs within people of the same racial group. Colorism is prominent in black and Asian communities. I am mainly going to focus on colorism in the black community, particularly against black females. I have addressed this topic in previous blog posts but want to dissect this topic on a deeper level.

Recently the rapper Ghetts made a tune called 'Black Rose' which addresses the issue of colorism. I will quote some of his lyrics throughout this post.

The genesis of colorism occurred when Europeans colonised numerous countries where the native people were of a darker complexion. There was also the enslavement of African people. During this time, Europeans imposed their white supremacist ideologies and beliefs on the native people. This included the belief that white women were the epitome of beauty and femininity whereas darker women were not.

We have been conditioned to believe that the closer you are to whiteness, the more beautiful you are. We are also taught that dark skin, kinky hair and African phenotypes are “ugly”. In our communities mixed raced women (black & white) or light skin black women are deemed to be more beautiful. This is due to their proximity to whiteness. The more white you look the more beautiful you are, the more black you look, the uglier you are. That is why females who have lighter skin, lighter eyes, looser textured hair and European features are deemed more beautiful by society's standards than those who look more "black". There also seems to be a fetishisation of mixed people. There are even people out there who purposely choose partners that will give them mixed race children.

"they’ll be brothers same colour as her Pappa who will not be showing any sort of interest"
What saddens me is that many black men perpetuate and reinforce this narrative. They make comments such as “dark skin girls are ugly” “I only like lighties” “I only date light skin women” (things I've heard first hand from dark skin men). Many black men in music praise lighter skin women and make references to this in their rap lyrics . Some black men say that light skin females are just their preference, but the question is where did this preference come from? Why do some black men only see beauty in lighter shades and not in darker shades? How can a dark skin black man look at a black women of the same shade and have the audacity to say that he could never date her because of her skin color? This is clearly a sign of internalised self hatred because he refuses to date a woman who is a reflection of him.

"Disrespecting women who remind them of their mothers...sisters...cousins"
There is also the normalisation of disrespecting dark skin black women. There seems to be a trend of people whose old tweets come to light when they had said very disrespectful things about dark skin black women, but then justify it by saying “I was young” . This is not an excuse. Why is it that it is a "phase" to disrespect black women? why are people so comfortable with disrespecting dark skin women? why is it acceptable? this should never be normalised. There seems to be a hatred towards dark skin women in society (I talk more about this my blog post 'Misogynoir')

"These Kayne's have not become important to the Kim's yet"
In the media we constantly see successful Black men parading their light skin or non black partners more than we see them parade a dark skin partner (though there are some that do). It seems that amongst some black men having a lighter skin partner is a trophy. There are some black men who desire mixed/light skin women over a dark skin woman. This constant portrayal makes some dark skinned women feel undesirable and unattractive. I'm sure there are many dark skin females who have experienced being overlooked by guys for their lighter skin friend.

"Brothers back home using cake soap"
There is also light skin privilege, in the entertainment industry it is evident that lighter skinned women are more successful than their darker skinned counterparts . Beyoncé's father had stated that part of Beyonce's success is due to her being light skin. Most black women who are at the top tend to be of a lighter complexion. It is much harder for a dark skin women to achieve the same level of success despite the hard work they put in. Having lighter skin gives you more opportunities. Therefore, some people try to obtain this standard by lightening their skin to fit into society's standard of beauty.

"So who’s fighting for the sisters then? When their own brothers keep on dissing them"
When black women try to speak out about colorism we are told that we are bitter and angry. Our feelings are dismissed as if our experiences aren’t important. We are not “angry” women, we are hurt and trying to explain how we feel. We have emotions, we feel pain, we feel hurt we feel undesired. We live in society where being black and being a woman makes us deal with discrimination at a higher rate and puts us as the bottom of western society's totem pole. But some black men are not willing to listen and actually understand where we are coming from. From what I've seen, black women tend to defend black men more than black men will defend black woman. This is why I respect Ghetts for making Black Rose as it highlights the colorism issue in our community. Hopefully, it will challenge the thinking of black men, especially those with colorist ideologies.

"I love all types a women, Variety is ok"
I see beauty in all shades of women. I am not against black men dating lighter skin women, I only have an issue when black men refuse to see the beauty in women share their complexion and put them down while uplifting lighter skin women.

"Eww his black and his ugly Naaaahh I’m black and im lovely"
Dark skin is beautiful skin, black people should not put down another black person just because their skin is darker. There is no such thing as being "too black" or being "too dark", if you believe there is then you are clearly part of the problem and a colorist. We need to embrace ALL shades of black within our community and help to uplift and support each other.

So to my dark skin queens out there:

"No matter what they say you are beautiful"

Black Panther - For the Culture

I have been waiting to watch Black Panther since I saw the official trailer which was released 8 months ago. I had the opportunity to watch Black Panther the day it was released in the UK. To see such a huge film (marvel studios) with a black director, black lead roles and a majority black cast makes this a culturally significant film.Especially coupled with the fact that it is a film about a technologically advanced African country that has never been colonised or influenced by Westerners.

Representation is important and the characters in this film are not portrayed in subservient roles or as criminals, slaves or ghetto as western media usually portrays black people. It allows viewers to see black people in a progressive perspective. I love the fact that the lead women in this film are dark skinned black women with African features. They play such a pivotal role in this film. They convey intelligence, courage and leadership. These women are strong, fierce warriors, this is reflective of the female warriors who have existed in African culture for centuries. In the media when it comes to the representation of black women, we are used to seeing lighter skinned or mixed black women taking lead roles and the darker skinned females playing subordinate roles. I am glad to finally see females who look like me being the face of such a huge film.

There are many themes that are explored in this film. One of the themes is the segregation within the African community. In the film T'Challa states that only Wakandans are his people. Initially, he only cares about helping and preserving Wakanda. However Killmonger challenges this notion and tells T'Challa that all black people are his people. In the scene where Killmonger visits his father in the ancestral realm, his father tells him "They (the Wakandans) will never accept you." Tribalism is very real and reflects the way some Africans think, anyone who is not a part of their tribe or country is an outsider and is treated differently. People like that do not see the benefit of progressing Africa and those of African decent but rather their own tribe as they tend to feel their tribe is more "superior". This is a mentality that needs to change but is unfortunately deeply ingrained in some cultures and results in discrimination. Fortunately there are some African leaders who believe in working together to help the continent as a whole and those who are part of the diaspora.

Another theme explored is the plight of African Americans and their disconnect with their African ancestry. This is personified in the character of Eric Killmonger. He is the son of a Wakandan prince and an African American woman. He has been taught about his Wakandan heritage but has never had the oppurtunity to experience it or connect with the Wakandan side of his family. Though he is of Royal blood, he lives in the ghetto of America as a poor black man and experiences institutional racism, violence and poverty. This is the reality for many Black Americans. Killmonger is angry at the system, he is angry that his African side have completely neglected him and wants revenge. Though Killmonger is a villain I saw him as a revolutionary who wanted black people everywhere to have the power and resources to fight systematic oppression.

People from the African diaspora have lost their connection to Africa through slavery. Slavery robbed africans of their identity including their names, languages, religion and culture. One of the most powerful lines in the film that touched me was when Killmonger said "Bury me in the ocean with my ancestors who jumped from ships, because they knew death was better than bondage." Killmonger spent his life trying to build a connection between his American side and his African side and even in death he wanted to be with his african ancestors. . There needs to be a discussion amongst the black community regarding how we can build this bridge with africans and africans from the diaspora. I am aware that there is some division between Africans in America and African Americans. However I am glad this film is creating a conversation which needs to be had and is helping to build this bridge because black people all over the world have come together to support this film, regardless of whether they are African or American.

What makes Wakanda so great is that it has not been influenced by westerners. Wakanda has a natural resource called vibranium. Wakandans know that if the West find out about this they will steal this resource and destabilise the country, creating war and poverty (this is reflective of what is happening currently in Congo in regards to Coltan) . Previous kings of Wakanda have done all in their power to prevent this from happening. Africa is a land rich in resources which has continuously been pillaged leaving many of it's people left behind living in poverty, while other nations benefit. This still goes on till this day and not by just the west but also China. The characters are aware of the detrimental foreign involvement in Africa. For example Shuri refers to Ross as a "coloniser". In the scene at the Museum, Killmonger tells the museum worker that her ancestors stole all the African artefacts in the museum. I do not believe that any country outside of Africa will ever have the interests of Africa at heart. It is only africans that can do that.

Overall Black Panther is a great film and Ryan Coogler has done an amazing job (he is only 31!) I am happy to see the support black people are showing to this film on a global level. Records have been broken despite the notion that black films do not sell. Black people have turned up to the cinema in their African attire to show their support. I hope this sets the precedent for more black films to be made on a major level. I also hope this creates more opportunities for black directors and more roles for black actors. I would like to continue to see more films with Africans portrayed in strong lead positive roles (I'm hoping the next film is about Mansa Musa!).

WAKANDA FOREVER!