Homosexuality

*Disclaimer: I use the words Homosexuals and Gays interchangeably and it refers to both gays and lesbians.

Before I get started I am sure many of you will disagree with the things I am going to write and criticize the points I am going to make. You do not have to agree with what I write, that is not the purpose of this post. This is just to express MY OWN personal opinion on the issue.

Recently President Obama expressed his support for same sex marriages. This is a very controversial issue with some people agreeing with what he said whilst there are others who are completely against it.

Growing up in the Black and Christian communities being homosexual was a massive no-no. Homophobic attitudes were very common place and I admit I used to be homophobic myself. I believed that being gay was an abomination, an evil sin, haram etc. Though I had a negative opinion of homosexuals I would never have harmed someone for being gay. I have always been strongly opposed to gay-bashing. I always believed that being gay was a choice and that those who chose to do so were sick in the head. I could not comprehend why a man would choose to be with another man when there are plenty of beautiful women out there and vice versa. It just did not make sense to me. One time in college I was having a debate with one girl who supported homosexuality. One thing she said to me was that "If being gay was a choice why would someone choose to allow themselves to be socially marginalized, victimized and prone to abuse". That really got me thinking deeply, its  true why would someone choose to be gay in a society where they will be treated as inferior and in some cases attacked for it? That was a real turning point in my opinions about homosexuality.

Skip to a few years later and my opinions of homosexuals have changed a lot (Thank God!). I do believe that some people are born with a natural tendency to be attracted to someone of the same sex (I know many people will disagree with this). To explain my point further take the situations where there are men who know deep down that they are gay but have tried to suppress it for years. They get married to women and even have children. But these gay feelings they have are still there, they wish it to go away but it keeps coming back; until it gets to a point where they can no longer hide it anymore. I have met gays who have tried very hard for many years to become heterosexual but it just didn't work. I have not met every homosexual out there but the ones I have met have been very nice people. They are still human beings; not very different from you and I and contrary to belief they do have morals. I don't understand why people spend so much time expressing their hatred towards gays when there are evil people out there such as rapists, pedophiles and serial killers.

*This part is mainly for the Christians or religious people* 
I understand that the Bible clearly states that homosexuality is wrong but I interpret it as the physical act which is a sin, not the emotion. If you have gay feelings but do not act on it then I do not see it as committing a sin. The bible also clearly states that it is wrong to lie, steal, fornicate, insult others or gossip and I can guarantee that you all have committed at least one of these sins and probably still do. We are ALL sinners and in God's eyes all sin is sin, none is greater than the other. Whether a man sleeps with another man or a man fornicates with a woman they are of equal weight. I am sick of some religious people getting on their high horse about gays and conveying their hatred towards them (what ever happened to love thy neighbor? or are gays exempt?). These religious people act as if they are perfect and have never sinned (remember the phrase "he without sin cast the first stone"? None of us are without sin so we can not cast any stones!)

At the end of the day if somebody is gay then that is their lifestyle, it doesn't affect me in anyway shape or form, and I do not have an issue with it. If someone is in a same sex relationship and they are happy and not harming anyone they should be allowed to live their lives. They are still people with feelings and emotions and they should not be deprived of their human rights. As cliche as this sounds God is the only true judge and what people do is between them and God.

Written By Dinah

The Dilemma of the West

In a chaotic atmosphere; where the guns are running, the bombs are flying, the bullets are killing, mothers are crying, fathers are dying, children are hiding, blood is splitting, civilians are running. A plea for mercy, and a plea for intervention.

“From the look of things it’s like there are no civilians in Syria” Reynolds Agyapong retorted.  The international community went to Libya to protect them but what happens when a similar situation arises in Syria?

On February 15^th 2011 about 600 activists gathered at Benghazi to demonstrate against the arrest of Fathi Terbil, a human rights lawyer. Little were they prepared to fight and overrun the armoury of by then Libyan leader, Muammar Gaddafi. Barely a month after the attack, the international community had acted swiftly. By 26^th February the United Nations had passed a resolution for the assets of the Libyan leader and some members of his inner circle to be frozen. By 27^th June an international arrest warrant had been issued for him and some of the members of his inner circle. Most of all on 17^th March the United Nations had passed the Libyan no-fly zone in bid to protect civilians.

With France, Britain and Italy having a keen interest, David Cameron readily released some tornados war craft and Obama supported with some submarines. Berluscuni of Italy gladly gave away his military bases to make the no fly zone successful. Rumours if not facts, also had it that some military experts where deployed by the White House to Benghazi to help the revolutionaries succeed in their bid. With France also secretly giving weapons to Benghazi, there is no doubt that the interest of the West and the International community were very paramount.

In thinking about Reynolds Agyapong’s retort, I asked myself whether there are any differences between what happened in Libya and what is currently going on in Syria. What are the similarities and why is the USA and its allies adopting a different mechanism?

With Homes in disarray and civilians fleeing for safety, Why is the Camerons being so diplomatic in their approach? Are they giving Kofi Annan’s peace deal a try? The very deal for me I believe it’s as potent as the very paper on which they were printed. I have therefore tried to deduce some of what maybe the reason for the slow response of the West and the International community at large.

In the place, national interest may gradually be shifting. Though states like the USA have protection of human rights as one of their national interests, it is becoming very evident that Washington no longer wants to make the mistake they made in the case of Iraq and Afghanistan. Washington no longer wants to be actively involved in any Arab conflict. This was made evident when Washington refused to take command of NATO in the Libya No-fly zone edging Europe to take command.

Another factor to the slow response could also be that the Syrian revolution was probably so close to the political and electoral storms.  With Sarkozy preparing for his election and hence focusing on his campaign, Paris had lost much interest in saving the civilians of Syria. Not only Sarkozy facing election; with Washington also preparing for election later in 2012 therefore shifting the focus intervention to domestic politics. The Mayoral election in the UK may also have changed the sight of David Cameron whereas Mario Monti of Italy too new in office and busily finding a way out of the Italian economic crisis to interfere in Syria.

It is also possible that the international community have drained their coffers much enough that they do not want to add any extra cost to what they have already incurred. Although the actual true cost of the Libyan no fly zone may be known in monetary terms, the Reuters News Agency on 22^nd March reported that the Libyan no-fly zone could cost the coalition about 1 billion dollars. Although this may not be the actual figure of the cost of operation. I believe the figure may not be very far from this coat. The question therefore is whether or not the international community is willing to lose such a large amount of money at a time when key states are struggling with their Economic growth.

On the other hand the Arab league have not provided enough support for the West to do anything similar to that of Libya. This is seen as them not being as vibrant as they were in the Libyan revolution. In the latter they readily gave their blessings to the International community to intervene whereas in that of Syria they are much interested in sending numerous monitors and observers whose presence is as meaningful as nothing. Where is Qatar and Saudi Arabia who supported the international community to enter Libya?

Could it also be that the international community took revenge on Gaddafi’s Libya for his numerous acts against them? The Lockerbie bombing among others things may also be a reason to make the international community to run against him; whereas the international community may not have scar against Bashar al-Assad. It could be Tripoli had reconciled with the international world before Gaddafi’s fall. However it cannot be said that the international community had completely forgotten and forgiven him for his atrocities.

Though there may be other several reasons, these are what I can put out from my personal analysis. In spite of whatever the reasons may be it is my sincere prayer that Syrians come to enjoy the very freedom which all men ought to enjoy without pleading for it. As I have always maintained; the worse form of slavery is living under a dictator. A state never belongs to an individual it belongs to all citizens. All wisdom is not a residence of one’s head so every man has a right to have a say in government.

written by a Guest blogger

Quarter Life Crisis

Have you ever felt like you are just existing through life? That life is just a boring routine? (i.e. work, home, sleep then repeat). Do you sometimes feel like you haven't achieved anything significant in your life? Are there times that you just feel lost and confused? Have you ever felt that there must be more to life? If you have answered yes to any of the above questions then you have experienced symptoms of a "Quarter life crisis". (I know that just sounded like a TV advert lol). This term (similar to mid life crisis) is mainly applicable to people who are in their 20's that have finished formal education and are transitioning to living in the real world.

The real world is a massive place and can be very overwhelming. When you are in you 20s you start to feel a lot of pressure. Examples include the pressure to know your career path, pressure to marry, pressure to have children, pressure to have a particular job, pressure to move out of your parent’s house. There are all these expectations it seems we need to fulfil. There are many decisions we need to make but a lot of the time we are unsure whether we are making the right one. Sometimes I feel I am just living a routine life. I'm always wondering isn't there more to life than having academic qualifications, a 9-5, marriage, kids, a mortgage then going on a pension until you die?

I guess that is when the whole finding your purpose and passion in life comes in. When you do know what your purpose is in life then you can live a fulfilled life. This is something I am still trying to figure out, my purpose and true passion. I watched one of Oprah's life classes where she talked about purpose. There are many people who like myself are unsure of their life purpose, even people who are in their 40s/50s. There are also people who seem to have everything going for them in life (i.e. successful careers and wealth) but still feel unfulfilled with their lives.

One thing that was said in the life class was that finding your purpose is a journey (please note your purpose is not always your career). Life is also a journey and it is also one of self-discovery. It is the process of finding yourself (which can take years). Being on this journey can allow you to learn new things about yourself through your life experiences which helps to mould you. Like planning a journey you can plan your life (Believe me I used to plan everything in my life from my career, to the money I'll earn to the age I will be married to when I'll have my first child etc) but life doesn't always go according to how you plan it (I'm sure we can all testify to this). Unless you are psychic you can never be certain of what the future holds.

I believe that everyone has their own destiny. Your journey is unique and it is not supposed to be the same as someone else's journey. Therefore we should not compare ourselves with other people because their life journey is not meant for us (I admit I have been guilty of comparing myself to others which only discouraged me). I came to a realisation that I am me and there will only be one me so I should aim to be the best ME I can be. Yes you can have role models and be inspired by others but never aim to be someone else (I am sure you have all heard the quote "you were born an original so don't die a copy"). I believe that we should try our best to enjoy and make the most of our lives. After all we only have one life. We should seize the moment, try new things and find out things about ourselves. In addition praying for guidance and meditating can help lead us to finding out our purpose.

I know this post does not apply to everyone; there are some people who know their life purpose and are fulfilling it. I love seeing people who are fulfilling their purpose, it really motivates me. I believe that God has a plan for every one of us "In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps" (Proverbs 16:9). Our ways are not God's ways but I believe that God will make sure that things work out for the better in our lives. Those of you who are unsure of your purpose I think we should embrace our journey of discovering what it is and view it as an adventure. One quote Joyce Meyer says is that we should enjoy where we are at on the way to where we are going.

This is one of my favorite songs by India Arie and I would like you to really listen to the lyrics

Written By Dinah

Real, Fake or Self Hate?

    
        
If I got a pound for every guy who complained about girls being fake with their weaves, make-up, false lashes etc I would probably be on the forbes list. There is this whole debate of Natural beauty vs Fake beauty. On the extreme ends of the spectrum you get people who scream "Team natural" and believe that everyone should be 100%  natural. You also get those who believe in enhancing your appearance by any means necessary.

Firstly I will address the hair issue. Personally I love to wear weave (yes I admit I am a weave-aholic) and I like to wear make up on special occasions. However when I was younger I strongly believed in natural beauty. I never wore make up, my hair was natural and I wore it either in cornrows, twists or braids. My natural hair texture is very kinky and thick (4C type hair). I used to cry when getting my hair done because it was extremely painful (a few combs also got broken during the process). During my latter teen years I decided to relax my hair because I could no longer cope with the pain of maintaining my natural hair. A few weeks later I also got my first weave. 

Before I get attacked by Team Natural I do understand the origins of hair relaxing. Lye was used on the hair of African slaves as a form of punishment and it was later realised that Lye straightened afro textured hair.That is when the relaxer was born. Hair relaxing is also damaging because of the very strong chemicals it contains which can also cause burns to the scalp. Many females relax their hair because they find permed hair easier to maintain and more manageable. I do not believe that relaxing your hair is a sign of self hatred. However if the reason for you relaxing your hair is because you dislike your natural afro hair, then yes it is self hate. In regards to weave I think it is down to personal preference. It is a great protective style whether you are natural or relaxed. Though some argue that wearing a weave means you are conforming to the white standard of beauty. This is because a lot of weaves women wear mimick that of European hair (i.e long straight hair). Some natural people argue that we should leave our hair in it's natural afro state because that is how it is supposed to be, kincky and curly not bone straight.

The next issue I will address is make up. I believe that make up is supposed to enhance your beauty, not give you a brand new face. I hate seeing females who constantly cake their faces in foundation or have that "Clown" look. What's even worse is when a female takes off her make up and she looks like a completely different person.This is when the whole "deception" argument comes in. Those who never set foot outside their homes without make up I believe they either have low self-esteem or a deeper insecurity issue and need help. Do not get me wrong I love to wear make up and if I am going on a night out with friends I may wear  a bold lip colour. But I always aim to make sure that I still look like ME.

In regards to using surgical procedures to alter your bodies (i.e butt implants) I address this issue in another blog post "Body Image and the Black women" which you can read.

I do like the natural movement and I think it is great to exude your natural beauty. I also support enhancing your beauty whether it is by wearing make up, hair extensions, acrylic nails etc (as long as you do not go over the top like Lil Kim). To illustrate my view I will use Gabrielle Union as an example. Though she is wearing make-up and weave in the picture she doesn't look fake but still looks kind of natural.  At the end of the day, it is all down to your own  personal preference but it is also important for you  to be happy and comfortable in your own skin and not hide behind a mask.

Gabrielle
union

Written By Dinah