The Strong Black woman

"I'm a strong black woman!" a common phrase that we hear, I've been guilty of saying this phrase. I remember saying this to a guy one time who immediately checked me. He asked me why I wanted to be a "strong black woman" instead of just being a black woman. He was right. A lot of black women in society say this phrase thinking it is a compliment, because being strong is a good thing right? However it can be damaging, as it takes away our vulnerability and implies that we can constantly carry heavy loads.  

Society expects black women to be strong all the time and take whatever life throws at them. We are constantly disrespected and are expected to just accept it, once we speak out against it then we are "angry". We are expected to be "ride or die" in relationships, and endure "struggle love", for example if a man is a serial cheater or is doing nonsense, we are expected to still be there for him and accept his behaviour. If a black woman wants a man that is faithful, financially stable and will treat her like a queen, then some people will complain that her standards are too high, but yet it is fine for non-black women to have these standards.

It reminds me of the viral video of the black woman who earns a six figure income, who wanted  a man who also earns six figures, which I think is fair because she is asking for something that she also brings to the table.  However,  she is told  by a black man that she can't get a six figure man mainly because of her appearance. I thought this was extremely disrespectful because if she wasn't a dark skin black woman and she looked racially ambiguous, had light skin and light eyes he would not have said that.

I was recently in a conversation on Club House with multiple black women who were expressing their experiences and past traumas. There were many women who stated how they do not feel protected by black men, if anything most of their traumas and anxiety had been caused by black men. It reminds me of Malcolm X's speech where he said the most unprotected woman is the black woman. I agree with this statement. Other groups of men protect their women. Due to feeling unprotected black women feel they have to protect themselves. 

There are many black women who take on traditionally masculine roles. I personally believe that men should be the leaders, protectors and providers of their homes/families. I have seen men from different cultures do this. However a lot of black women have taken on these roles. There are black single parent families which are led by the woman, there are also some black two parent black families where the woman is leading the household while the father is more passive. In a lot of these households the woman is also the main breadwinner. Matriarchal families are quite common in black communities. This leads to the notion of black women being "superwoman" and doing everything. For example a black woman can be a single mother, have a high position at  a top company, have a masters degree and do everything independently. 

However this takes away from our femininity, we are not suppose to be superwoman and be responsible for doing everything. Black women should be allowed to be taken care of, vulnerable  and weak.  We should not be applauded for how much pain, trauma and stress we can endure because it assumes that we can handle anything that life throws at us, when this is far from the truth. I used to believe I had to endure stress. I once worked in a toxic environment which caused me chronic anxiety, despite this I was still going into work everyday working very hard, though mentally I was declining. This eventually affected my performance at work and my boss (who also happened to be a black woman) called me in. I expressed some of my feelings and she told me that I'm too sensitive, and I can't be a lawyer if I'm sensitive. She told me I have to be strong and to stop feeling sorry for myself. She continued to gaslight me which impacted how I viewed myself.

The idea of black women being strong also affects us in the medical field. There is this notion that black women have a high pain tolerance and don't feel physical pain as much as white women. This stems from the father of gynaecology J Marion Simm, a doctor who used to do experiments on enslaved black women without anaesthesia and said that black people do not feel pain. There are many medical professionals who still believe this notion.  That is why many medical professionals ignore black women when they complain of being pain and this has led to the statistic of black women in the UK being 5 times more likely to die from childbirth. I have heard from black mother's the negative experiences they had when giving birth to their child.

It is sad that we are not afforded the right to just be human, we feel pain, we hurt, we are emotional and we have every right to feel this way just as white women are allowed to. Our emotions are valid. It annoys me that we are expected to endure everything, this is extremely detrimental to our mental health. We shouldn't have to  carry extra burdens because we are black women. Further, the responsibility should not lie with us to continuously educate other groups about racism and sexism. If you are a black woman, do not take on extra unnecessary responsibilities, don't feel that you have to be a  particular way. Be yourself and bask in your femininity.

My reading list

I've always loved reading books from a very young age and have always been a nerd. If you were to ever enter my bedroom, you'll notice the numerous books I have ranging from fiction to non fiction, self-development, finance, law, spirituality, autobiographies and history. However, over the last couple of years I've been making an effort to buy and read more books by black authors. The list below is a list of my collection of books by black authors which I would recommend you read if this is something you are interested in.

A great place to get some of these books are indigibookz.com which is a black owned online bookstore, you can also get some of these titles from Amazon.

Black History 

• Before the Slave Trade - Robin Walker
• When we ruled - Robin Walker
• When the World was black
• Stolen Legacy - George M James
• Christopher Columbus and the Afrikan Holocaust - John Henrik Clarke
• Black and British: A Forgotten History - David Olusoga
• They came before Columbus - Ivan Van Setima 
• The Destruction of black civilisation - Chancellor Williams 
• The African origin of civilisation - Cheikh Anta diop 
• How Europe underdeveloped Africa - Walter Rodney 

Black Thought

• The Isis Papers: The Keys to the Colors - Dr Frances Cress Welsing 
• The Miseducation of the negro - Carter G Woodson 
• Black skins, White Masks - Frantz Fanon
• The New Jim Crow: mass incarceration in the age of colorblindness  - Michelle Alexander 
• The Souls of Black Folks - WEB Du Bois
• Philosophy and Opinions of Marcus Garvey 
• Message To The Millineals - Rizza Islam
• Post Traumatic Slave Syndrome -  Joy Degruy

Black Economics

• Powernomics - Dr Claud Anderson
• Blueprint for Black Power - Amos N Wilson
• Black Labour, white wealth - Dr Claud Anderson
• Black Girl Finance - Selina Flavius

 
Black Physical/Spiritual Health

• The Sacred woman - Queen Afua 
• African holistic health - Dr Llaila o Afrika 
• Medical Apartheid - Harriet A Washington

Auto/biographies

• The Autobiography of Malcolm X - narrated to Alex Haley 
• Long Walk to Freedom - Nelson Mandela
• Becoming - Michelle Obama
• Assata an Autobiography - Assata Shakur
• The interesting Narrative - Olaudah Equiano
• Of Water and Spirit - Malidoma Patrice Some
• Shook One - Charlemagne the God
• Natives -  Akala 
• Rise up - Stormzy
• Self Belief: the vision - Jamal Edwards

The Legacy of white supremacy

In a previous post the History of White Supremacy I discussed the history of white supremacy which you can read here. This post is a continuation of my previous post which will explore the legacy of slavery and colonisation in todays society,

1. Religion

Europeans forced Africans to convert to Christianity and demonised African religions. They used images of a white Jesus for Africans to worship. This is psychological oppression. If you believe that God is white, you will subconsciously believe that white people are superior and that a white person is your saviour. Further, you are  less likely to rebel against your white oppressors as you would believe that harming your oppressor is harming God. Christianity was used to make enslaved Africans passive, they were taught to "obey their masters" "turn the other cheek" and endure hell on earth so that they would go to heaven when they die. There are many black people today who still worship white Jesus. My mum told me of  a saying in Ghana which states that "if you see a white person you don't need to go to church because you have met God" This is very damaging, this brainwashing has led to some people of African descent today seeing white people as more superior to them. Black people need to see themselves as Gods because we are. The human race came from us therefore we are Gods.

2. Beauty 

Africans were taught that their features were ugly, such as their hair, skin colour, facial features etc and being white was the standard of beauty. Therefore anything close to whiteness was seen as more attractive. This has caused black people to hate themselves and their features. This also birthed colorism which exists heavily today. I wrote about this in more detail here.

3. Education

I went to school in the UK where the education system, is very whitewashed. We were never taught about the great achievements of black people. We were taught about "great" Europeans, and the British Empire. In regards to slavery we were never taught about slave rebellions, only that Africans were slaves. We were not taught about the great African empires,  we were not taught about African civilisations apart from Ancient Egypt, however we were taught that Egyptians were not black (when they clearly were). We were not taught what Africans have achieved and contributed to the world. We were not taught about inventions created by black people, we were not taught about black royalty. This is miseducation, so that black people do not feel pride in themselves but are conditioned to see white people as greater than them. That is why I always advocate for black people learning their history because our history is very rich and many of our people have achieved great things.

4. Media

Black people are usually portrayed negatively in the media. There used to be minstrel shows (started in the 1830's), where white people painted themselves in blackface to represent black people in a negative light. Black people were usually protrayed as dumb, lazy and criminal. There were also cartoons portraying African people as cannibals. 

We know that the media can be racist. Black people are usually portrayed negatively, black men are usually portrayed as violent , criminal and hyper-masculine. Black women have historically played the role of the "mammy", the Jezebel (promiscuous woman), the slave or the side kick to a main white character. The first black woman to win an Oscar played the role of a mammy.  We never see too many positive representations of black people and if we do, there are only a few.

In music, there are black artists who rap about about murdering other black men, glamorise criminal behaviour, consumerism  and hyper sexualise and disrespect black women . This is detrimental to our community. A lot of our music is negative and this is what the white record labels want to promote. Unfortunately, a lot of black conscious artists who have positive content are not promoted or signed by these same labels. These labels want to push a negative narrative in the mainstream, why should our demise be the entertainment of others? this is not right. Black artists should stop allowing themselves to be used to promote negativity in our community


5. Criminal Justice system

In the UK, black people make up 3% of the general population but 13% of the prison population. In the USA black people make up 12% of the general population and 40% of the prison population. In the UK black men are 4 x more likely to be stopped and searched that their white counterparts. Black  people are not necessarily more criminal than white people. Black communities tend to be be poorer and poorer areas tend to be policed more and targeted than more wealthy communities. This leads to higher statitsics. Black young men especially, tend to be viewed as criminal. In courtrooms black people are more likely to be convicted and sentenced more harshly. In Ava Duvernay's documentary "13th" she explores the school to prison pipeline in the USA, and how privately funded prisons make money depending on the number of inmates they have, the more inmates, the richer they get.

6. Economics

Black people are economically the poorest in the world compared to other races. Majority of the poorest countries in the world are found in Africa. This is due to Africa being looted and exploited by the West and corrupt African leaders. Black people living in the diaspora tend to collectively be the poorest group in the countries they live in.  There are 2000+ billionaires in the world. Of this only 13 are black. The wealth disparity between black people and other races is huge. Black people need to become independent, especially black countries. They need to work together, black communities need to practice group economics so we can thrive as a race.

R.I.P Chadwick

I woke up on Saturday morning, checked my instagram and saw that Chadwick Boseman was dead. This shocked me. I didn't want to believe it was true, I was was thinking to myself "how can Chadwick be dead?". I saw that he died of cancer and he was battling with this for 4 years. Cancer really hits home for me, multiple family members of mine and family friends have died from cancer.  I remember a few years ago visiting a family friend at hospital (who had cancer). He was on his deathbed and I couldn't stop crying seeing him in that state. I felt helpless,  a couple days later he was dead.

Another time, a close family member was diagnosed with cancer. I was there when the Doctor diagnosed them. I attended every hospital appointment with them. I was there during their chemotherapy sessions, I was there when they had surgery, I was there when they had to do multiple tests. I saw first hand the effect chemotherapy had on their body. It is the chemo that causes hair loss (from all parts of your body), it causes a loss of appetite, your tastebuds aren't effective, this leads to significant weight loss. It makes you extremely weak. The reason being that chemo kills the bad cells and good cells in your body, as it can not differentiate between the two. Thankfully that family member recovered after some time.

Chadwick was diagnosed with cancer in 2016. That year (at age 26) I found a lump on my body. I was scared and was thinking the worst. I  informed my GP who immediately referred me to the hospital. I was referred to the same cancer department that I had previously attended with my family member that had cancer. I saw the same Doctor who diagnosed my family member. I had multiple hospital appointments, saw multiple Doctors/Consultants, I had to have biopsies and multiple tests. Thankfully in the end it turned out not to be cancer and I had an operation to remove that lump. This was a huge health scare for me (this is why I take my health and fitness so seriously). Last year I mourned the death of my uncle who died from cancer.

Chadwick dying from cancer brought up all these memories for me. I was surprised that he still managed to do multiple films back to back (while playing the lead character) while having cancer. Knowing personally the affect of chemo I didn't understand how he could have physically performed those roles as he would have been extremely weak and in a lot of pain, plus the mental toll it would have had on him, knowing that there is a possibility he may die from it. Despite this he still gave his all. He played the roles of legendary black people, In '42' he played Jackie Robinson, the first black person to play in major league baseball. He played the role of the singer James Brown aka the Godfather of Soul in 'Get on up'. He played "Thurgood Marshall",  the first black supreme Court Justice in the film 'Marshall'. This film showed the early years of Marshall's life as a lawyer, I took an interest in this film as I am a black lawyer myself. Thurgood Marshall won the infamous Brown v Board of Education case which allowed the desegregation of schools across America.

The biggest role that Chadwick played was the first black superhero, T'challa aka Black panther. Two years ago my friend took me to watch the film on the day it was released. I was so excited to see it. You can click here to read my post about it. Chadwick was a great actor and nobody could tell that he was sick. He persevered through his pain. He had every reason and excuse to not film or to not give a good performance, but he didn't. This shows extreme strength, courage and determination. This made me realise that in life if we persevere and are very determined to achieve, we can. We should not allow excuses to stop us from achieving our goals. Chadwick knew he had a greater purpose on earth, he touched the lives of millions of people worldwide. He became a hero and role model to many. People became proud to be black, people became proud to be African, this was a huge cultural shift amongst Africans and those in the diaspora. During his pain he still attended hospitals to see children with cancer, whilst battling it himself.

What did upset me was the livestream he did (where it was evident he had lost considerable weight) talking about donating money to help with the COVID-19 relief efforts, there were idiots who were making fun of him. People can be so negative! That is why I am always kind to people as you never know the battles people are going through behind closed doors. People wonder why he never told anyone, but I don't blame him, I would have probably done the same in his situation. Sometimes you don't want pity or to be constantly reminded about what you are going through.  You don't want to be a victim. When you are around people who don't know what is going on you forget your struggles and it takes your mind off it.

In life we all go through hardships, difficulties and pain, but we shouldn't allow this to stop us from achieving our goals. I believe that we all have a purpose on earth. One day we are going to leave this earth. I would rather die knowing that I have achieved my goals and touched/changed the lives of people, than die without accomplishing anything. Rest in Power Chadwick, you have left a Powerful Legacy here on earth. Thank you for all you have done for us, you are with the ancestors now. Wakanda Forever